Why'd you buy a Chrysler?

"sm70- why not Duesenberg?" (sm70-whynotduesenberg)
07/14/2017 at 14:09 • Filed to: None

Everyone loves a good automotive story involving spite. The Ford GT40 is perhaps the most famous of these stories, but even on a much smaller scale, there’s just something funny about people making huge decisions just to thumb their nose at someone who has annoyed them. The story of this 2006 BMW 550i definitely has an element of spite to it.

Over the 4th of July weekend, my family went up to Lake Holiday in Illinois to stay with one of my dad’s old friends whom I had never met. We’ll call him Bob, because that’s not his name. Bob is not a huge car guy the way most of us are, but he certainly has a healthy respect, enjoyment, and understanding of a good automobile. His car reflects this. It’s an E60 BMW 550i, rear wheel drive with a 6-speed manual transmission. The car has been in the family since new, but it wasn’t originally his. Bob’s father, who we’ll call Phil, was a lawyer, and something of a condescending, abrasive know-it-all. He and his son never had a great relationship, and Phil’s relationship was even more hostile with Bob’s wife Jane. Bob and Jane are both actuaries, and in 2006, Bob bought himself a brand new Mercedes-Benz E350. A nice car, to be sure, but Phil couldn’t be caught admitting this fact.

As most of us know, Mercedes at the time was in the final years of a corporate partnership with Chrysler, and this partnership was the subject of Phil’s scorn towards his son. “You spent all that money on a Chrysler! ” Phil would tease. “I can’t believe you bought a Chrysler! My new car is much better than that!” Enter Jane, who knows nothing about cars, but hates her father-in-law and will defend her husband against anyone. “Oh really?” she shot back. “And what is that?”

“I got myself a BMW 5-Series! A real piece of German engineering, not some shitty rental car with a star thrown on the front!” That was enough to set Jane on a tirade against Phil’s BMW. Even though she had no clue what she was talking about, she proceeded to rip apart the BMW as being overpriced, unreliable, poorly-made, unsafe, uncomfortable, and generally the worst car since the Yugo.

Fast forward ten years. Phil’s relationship with his son and daughter-in-law has improved somewhat; they can now be in the same room without fighting and can even exchange pleasant chit-chat when need be. Sadly, Phil passes away around this time. I say the relationship had improved slightly, but it still wasn’t completely whole. Phil left nothing to his son in his will. The substantial amount of money he earned during his decades as a successful attorney was divided up amongst his granddaughters, with some set aside for their college and the rest going into trust funds, redeemable on each child’s 25th birthday. The rest of his earthly possessions were sold and and the profit also went to the grandchildren. Only one item of the estate was not dealt with in this way.

Per the will:

“To my daughter-in-law, Jane Smith, assuming I still own it, I bequeath my 2006 BMW 550i sedan. She is of the opinion that it is a terrible car, and I want her to know once and for all what a fantastic automobile it is, and how much better it is than my son’s old Chrysler.”

“But she doesn’t want to learn how to drive stick,” Bob smirks as he concludes the story to me, “so I sold the Mercedes and now the BMW is mine. Good car, too. Fast as hell.”

DISCUSSION (31)

Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
07/14/2017 at 14:21

Ford wasn’t the only one who wanted to spite Enzo Ferrari.
The entire existence of Automobili Lamborghini is an exercise in spite.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Steve is equipped with Electronic Fool Injection
07/14/2017 at 14:23

Also true, but less definitively documented.

Textured Soy Protein > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
07/14/2017 at 14:36

My mom’s relationship with my dad’s parents is complicated, as are her relationships with many people. But it was especially difficult between her and my now-deceased grandpa who was a piece of work himself.

My grandma is 94, and slowly spending the 7-figure nest egg that was there when my grandpa died a couple years ago on her 24/7 in-home care aides. My dad has 1 sister, and my parents have plenty of their own money. So supposedly he told my grandma to bypass him in the will and split his half among me and my 2 siblings. I don’t know if that ever came to pass.

It’s weird, people of the baby boom generation are oddly fixated on who inherits what material possession, especially china. When I helped my mom clean out her mom’s condo when she moved to assisted living, my mom meticulously catalogged every piece of fine china so she and her siblings could argue about who gets what.

Meanwhile, my dad’s mom, whenever she can, she tries to pawn off random items on us grandkids, including furniture, even though we live hundreds of miles away from her. She just wants there to be less stuff in her apartment when she dies, even though while she’s in a wheelchair and has 24/7 aides, she’s not exactly on death’s door.

When it came time to figure out which grandkid got the china, my aunt offered it to me as the eldest grandchild, like this is the most precious thing in the world and I get first crack at it.

I figured hey why not, it’d be nice to have and my wife and I didn’t even bother registering for china for our wedding because we have nowhere to put it and no use for it. We just got nice Denby regular plates and dishes and whatnot. I could tell my aunt was disappointed that I wasn’t more in awe of the fine china.

None of my siblings or cousins were upset that I claimed it when offered to me either. I haven’t heard anything about it.

My bird IS the word > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
07/14/2017 at 14:41

Wow what an insufferable dickhead to do that to his child through his will.

Svend > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
07/14/2017 at 14:47

Bloody hell, look at the brakedust on that!!!!!

Kinja'd!!!

Ouch.

fintail > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
07/14/2017 at 15:00

Interesting license plate

Chariotoflove > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
07/14/2017 at 15:05

Reminds me of the old joke, what do you call a guy with no arms and legs in a hole in the ground? Phil.

Anyway, it takes a special kind of douche to reach out and Ahab someone with their dying wish. Bet he was fun at parties.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > My bird IS the word
07/14/2017 at 15:41

Yeah, he was something of a twat.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Svend
07/14/2017 at 15:42

I *knew* someone was gonna bring that up.

Though I suppose I’ll give you a pass given your credentials.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > fintail
07/14/2017 at 15:43

He’s originally from Nebraska, which is where I live, and Blackshirt is a reference to the Nebraska Cornhuskers.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blackshirts_(American_football)

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Chariotoflove
07/14/2017 at 15:44

Yeah, from what his son told me, he was a dick.

fintail > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
07/14/2017 at 16:10

Ah that makes sense, never heard of that. The term in general has kind of a negative connotation.

Svend > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
07/14/2017 at 16:15

But cleaning wheels is so easy these days.

Spray on, let dwell (not dry) and pressure wash off.

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > fintail
07/14/2017 at 16:27

Yeah, weren’t they like Mussolini’s version of the SS?

sm70- why not Duesenberg? > Svend
07/14/2017 at 16:30

I used to do something sort of like this on our X3, and two days later the fronts would be grey again.

Enthusiasts complain a lot about luxury cars (particularly BMWS which seem to struggle with it a lot) driving around with lots of brake dust, but if it’s just someone’s DD and they aren’t that into cars I can’t really judge them for not washing it constantly. On some models, especially BMWs like I said, it’s just not worth it to clean them regularly because of how quickly they look dirty again.

fintail > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
07/14/2017 at 16:33

Or SA, but, yeah. But maybe obscure enough to not attract the attention of a typical passerby. “BRNSHRT” might not be so lucky - although in this new age, maybe some would embrace it.

Svend > sm70- why not Duesenberg?
07/14/2017 at 16:45

True. I see it all the time on our BMW police cars.

Kinja'd!!!